My last article mentioned the possible bankruptcy proceedings of the Gibson Guitar Company. That’s a depressing thought, no matter what the cause is. The month since then has been rough on me as well, maybe I should declare emotional bankruptcy, so I’ve decided to share some musician jokes with all of you just to lighten the mood. If you get insulted, rethink your role as a musician/entertainer! I also apologize if some of the jokes are so musician oriented that they evade understanding to most successful folks. Like this first one…
A sunburst Stratocaster walks into a bar, orders a beer and takes a stool next to a hot-looking Les Paul Goldtop, who’s sipping an umbrella drink. The Strat leers at the Les Paul for several minutes and then says, “Hey, that’s some set of humbuckers you got on you, darlin’.”
“What kind of cheap pickup line is that?” the Goldtop says indignantly.
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A young child says to his mother, “Mom, when I grow up I’d like to be a musician.”
She replies, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
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Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm? A: A tattoo.
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Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
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Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: “The Defendant”
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Q: What’s the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
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Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players? A: It saves time in the long run.
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Q: What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet? A: About three decibels.
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Q: What’s the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull? A: Lipstick.
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Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords? A: A music critic.
Q: How do you keep your violin from being
stolen? A: Put it in a viola case.
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Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: “That’s the banjo player’s Porsche.”
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Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
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Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
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Q: Why are violist’s fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Tuba Player: “Did you hear my last recital?”
Friend: “I hope so.”
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Q: How can a drummer and a conductor avoid rhythm conflicts?
A: Work separate concert halls.
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Did you hear about the Tenor who was so arrogant the other Tenors noticed?
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Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door? A: The can’t find the key, and they’re always coming in late.
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Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.
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Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
-Johnny Divine
